Lube: The Basics

Dr. Evan Goldstein

fundamentals December 23, 2019

Lube is a bottom’s best friend. With no shortage of choice out there, finding the right one for you—especially if you’re just starting out bottoming—is key to keeping things safe, friction-free and fun in the bedroom. This guide is to help get your head around what lube to use, how often to use it and what types you should definitely avoid.  

First off: lube means lube (and less definitely isn’t more) 

When we’re talking lube, we mean the real stuff—silicone or water-based lube—not spit. Spit actually dries out your skin, making it less elastic.

When we’re talking lube, we mean the real stuff—silicone or water-based lube—not spit. 

The best tip for lube is that there is no such thing as too much—especially when you’re first starting out.

Silicone vs. water lube

Water-based lubricants are completely toy-friendly and a great start to butt play. They are condom-safe, so they are also a great way to go from toy to the real thing seamlessly. They usually also contain natural ingredients that many people love.

For butt play though, we recommend silicone lube. It’s second to none in terms of slickness and endurance. If you use condoms, silicone and water-based lubes are both safe with latex condoms. Water-based lube works in a pinch, but it tends to dry out quickly and gets sticky.

Silicone does have its downsides though: it stains sheets and lingers on surfaces (and people). Put a towel down or throw “play sheets” over the bed before things get going. Make sure to wash your hands thoroughly before touching items in your bathroom, too.

Oil in the tank? Or maybe a hybrid?

Some people love oil-based lubes: they’re as slick as silicone—some say slicker. But oil is not latex-condom safe—it will dissolve latex and cause condoms to break. Like silicone, many oil-based lubes will also stain sheets and surfaces.

...oil is not latex-condom safe—it will dissolve latex and cause condoms to break.

Hybrid water/silicone lubes will not match the slickness of pure silicone, but many people opt for hybrid lubes because they are stain-free and easier to clean than silicone.


As well as the type of lube you choose, think about how (and how deep) you apply. A lubed finger (as well as plenty of lube on whatever you’re playing with) should be sufficient for most play. But to make sure the whole of your butt is lubed, consider a ‘lube shooter’—small, rounded-tip syringes that allow you to deliver lube deeper into your butt. 

A few lubes to avoid 

  1. Warming or cooling lubes: these aren’t for butt play and will irritate your butt

  2. Desensitizing butt lubes: these can dull or remove pain sensation altogether, which can prevent you from noticing potential injury. When you don’t know what your butt can and cannot handle, that’s when problems arise

  3. Silicone lube: if you’re playing with silicone toys, stick to water-based or toy-safe lube (silicone lube can warp silicone toys)

About the author

Dr. Evan Goldstein is the Co-Founder of Future Method and also the Founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical, the leading private practice specializing in an elite standard of health and wellness care for the modern gay male. He received his medical doctorate from the University of Medicine and Dentistry School of Osteopathic Medicine in 2002. As the preeminent expert and thought leader in the field, Dr. Goldstein is committed to education and awareness—not only bringing the important issues surrounding intimate health to the forefront, but also eliminating the stigmas attached to it and has become the go-to butt and bottoming expert in mainstream media, having been published in Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan, Shape, Healthline, and Men’s Health, among others.

The views expressed in this article intend to highlight alternative studies and induce conversation. They are the views of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of Future Method, and are for informational purposes only, even if and to the extent that this article features the advice of physicians and medical practitioners. This article is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and should never be relied upon for specific medical advice.


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