Science Facts vs. Intimacy Fiction

Dr. Justin Lehmiller

Sex & Psychology November 11, 2019

Busting some intimacy myths

In my years as a professional intimacy researcher, one of the most important things I’ve discovered is what people believe about what goes on in the bedroom rarely match the scientific facts. 

Here’s an example – and a ridiculously easy question: what do most gay men do when they have hook up? Think the answer always involves the butt? Think again.  

What tops the intimacy league?

A study of almost 25,000 actively gay men asked what kind of intimacy they last had. Butt play, it turns out, was actually among the least commonly reported activities.

Butt play, it turns out, was actually among the least commonly reported activities.

In fact, just over a third of gay men said they topped or bottomed the last time they hooked up. Oral or kissing led the way (both at 75%), followed closely by mutual hand pleasuring and rubbing. 

This study also found that gay men have very diverse private lives, with more than 1,300 combinations of intimacy that took place. In other words – stop the presses – intimacy between two men is a lot more varied and diverse than most people assume. 


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Quality over quantity

Don’t think we’re in the middle of an butt famine: a different study found that 83% of gay men have topped before, while 90% have bottomed.  Almost all gay men have had butt experience—they’re just not doing it all the time. 

The question is: why not? 

Getting into the groove

These results, I suspect, tell us something important: that butt play is something most guys don’t feel prepared for (or confident to attempt). It highlights the need for access to proper products that can help them feel prepared faster and more often.

Gay men (and everyone else) deserve intimacy products designed for who they are and what they need. The only way to ensure that goal, I believe, is through scientific research (and, of course, with the  Future Method Cleansing Solution). 

Intimacy education

Getting intimate isn’t about following a script of what you think you’re “supposed” to do—it’s about doing what you want to do. Science is helpful to show why what we think doesn’t always match up with what’s actually happening. It’s why getting information and products from good, scientific sources is essential for testing our assumptions and beliefs about hooking up. 

So, when making intimacy decisions and choosing the right wellness products, your best bet is: let science be your guide.

About the author

Dr. Justin Lehmiller has a Ph.D. in Social Psychology from Purdue University and is a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He’s an avid author, blogger and prolific researcher on topics such as the psychology of relationships and intimacy, having published more than 50 academic works to date in each of the leading journals on intimacy.

The views expressed in this article intend to highlight alternative studies and induce conversation. They are the views of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of Future Method, and are for informational purposes only, even if and to the extent that this article features the advice of physicians and medical practitioners. This article is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and should never be relied upon for specific medical advice.


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