10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Started Bottoming

Dr. Evan Goldstein

The Fun Stuff September 15, 2020

When we think about butt play, most of us were probably just winging it when we first started to explore this part of our body. No one really taught us the anatomy of our butts or the mechanics behind using them, whether for everyday bodily functions (like going to the bathroom) or for pleasure. And up until recently, there weren't even proper products developed specifically for our delicate behinds. Despite what you may read, all holes are not the same, which means you must pay special attention to how you prepare and care for, as well as play with, your butt. That’s why we decided to ask our team what things they wish they knew about bottoming before they took their first ride in the hopes of educating others about potential pitfalls they can hopefully avoid.

  1. Lube is a bottom’s best friend. Nothing beats the slickness and endurance of silicone (just make sure your toys and condoms are compatible).
  2. There are many types of lube out there, but not all of them are great for your butt. The three types you should avoid are: warming lubes, desensitizing/numbing lubes, and spit. Read more about why in How to Use Lube for Your Bottom
  3. There’s a proper way to stretch your hole before your bottoming debut. People talk about introducing toys into foreplay and self-play, but they also serve a very important purpose: anal dilating (and tightening) your hole (both to aid opening the skin and muscle) so that you can maximize your pleasure and minimize your risk of injury. Adhering to a dilating protocol, like the one mentioned in 5 Bottoming for Beginners Tips, could be the difference between a healthy and primed hole and a hole with a tear.
  4. Douching with water or enemas isn’t good practice. Enter the Future Method Intimate Cleanser, a first-of-its-kind solution to help you feel confident and ready before you bottom. 
  5. Tops who don’t engage in foreplay are not good tops. “Good tops understand that our holes don’t just magically open and that foreplay helps us relax. One way to ensure we are ready to bottom is by rimming. A good top knows how to work it so that our hole does magically open for them.” Is your top a “hole whisperer”? If not, maybe send them our Rimming 101 guide.
  6. It’s not only okay to speak up, but also imperative for the health and safety of everyone involved. While initial discomfort may be present, if anything hurts, stop. “Don’t feel bad for the top for having to pull out. If you are in pain, you should pause, relax, breathe, and try again when you are ready. If you want to call it quits for the current session, that’s also okay and your top should understand this.” The sooner you take a break, the sooner they’ll be able to dive back in again (no pun intended).
  7. Coconut oil and condoms don’t work well together. While coconut oil can seem like a great natural lube, it can actually break down latex condoms, eventually causing it to tear and break, defeating the purpose of using a condom in the first place.
  8. What or where the G-spot is for those born with a prostate. “When I first started bottoming, I had never even heard of an anal orgasm through prostate (or P-spot) stimulation. It certainly wasn’t taught in Health Class in school!” Looking for a quick cheat sheet on the P-spot? Check out our blog post, The Joys of the P-spot
  9. There is an A-spot (or A-zone) for those born with a V. Due to the close proximity of your butt to the V wall, cervix, and pelvic floor, it’s possible to find pleasure and even climax via indirect contact (read: butt play). The opening of the butt and its canal are sensitive, erogenous zones in and of themselves. So while you may not get off from butt play only, the butt has so many nerve endings that, when stimulated properly, you'll feel incredible sensations from head to toe and potentially see enhanced lubrication. Read more about this in our blog post, A-spot: Myth or Reality?
  10. You should be proud of being a bottom. All too often, we hear or see rhetoric that shames people for being bottoms and promotes or fetishizes those who are “masc” tops. We see it across social media, dating apps, media, and especially in porn. Not only does bottoming take a lot more work to perfect, but also, it’s a highly vulnerable and pleasurable act. Anyone who has climaxed during receptive butt play can tell you--experiencing a full-body release is indescribable. It’s the bee’s knees and total tops have no idea what they're missing out on. And if anyone says otherwise, they can shove it where the sun don't shine! And while they’re at it, they should read The Bottom’s Bill of Rights.

Do you have your own insights you want to share? Follow us on Instagram and DM us your sage wisdom behind better bottoming.

About the author

Dr. Evan Goldstein is the Co-Founder of Future Method and the Founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical, the leading private practice in health and wellness for gay men. He received his MD from the University of Medicine and Dentistry School of Osteopathic Medicine. Dr. Goldstein is the go-to butt and bottoming expert, having been published in Huffington Post, Men’s Health, Healthline, and more. Learn about Dr. Goldstein by visiting his practice, bespokesurgical.com.


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